July 29, 2015

This was me yesterday when I saw my new novel's cover art.

The story is a funny science fiction adventure called The Drake Equation. It's being published by Disney Hyperion in in Spring 2016!

July 28, 2015

"Sir, are you ready to order?"

—“What? Sorry, I'm just really distracted right now.
—“Please focus, sir. You know, it’s very hard to get a table here.”
—“I know—this place is booked!”
*rimshot*



(This is a real table at the Fable Restaurant in London. And thanks to Mike L. for the joke!)

A slightly imagined dialogue

OFFICER: Sir, I pulled you over because—hang on, what’s that medal?

ME (smiling embarrassedly): Oh, I got this at an adult spelling bee.

OFFICER (putting ticket book away): Nice work! What word did you win with?

ME: Actually, I came in fifth. It’s a funny story—

OFFICER (getting ticket book back out): Sir, do you know why I pulled you over today?

ME: Did I fail to yield at an 'i' before 'e' except after 'c'? Heheh. Just kidding—don’t spellcheck me, bro!


OFFICER: Your left brake light is out. Have a good day.

Addendum: This story is not true. (I actually came in THIRD place!)

July 24, 2015

You REALLY don't want to park here.

Katie T. spotted this sign in Oakland:
Vet Parking
Violators will be
A) Checked for worms
B) Neutered
We're nice people, so you get to choose

More Portland Little Free Libraries!

Another green roof (in Sellwood), from G.M. Volk.

A tree house library, from B. Bard!

July 22, 2015

"And the judges' dive scores are in . . . it's a 10!"


Want to see a Little Free Library with a green roof?

Little Free Libraries are places where you can take a book or leave a book...for free! There are lots of them in Portland, but I'm pretty sure our neighborhood has the only one with a green roof!

Oh, and I wrote a silly piece about them the other year.

July 21, 2015

There's nothing like a handwritten letter.


Hey parents, keep up the good work!

New research has pinpointed the top 10 ways that you parents are embarrassing your kids:
  1. Dancing
  2. 
Public displays of affection (to your children or with each other)

  3. Using outdated slang and/or trying to join in with "youthful lingo"
  4. 
Wearing age-inappropriate clothes
  5. 
Telling cringeworthy family anecdotes and baby stories
  6. 
Public tidying up after your kids

  7. Joining social media and friending your children

  8. Being useless at tech in general

  9. Talking about the facts of life

  10. Being "in your cups"
  11. 
Being in public and talking—or especially joking—with anyone you don't know. (Okay, that one's from me. My parents are convinced that strangers think they're hilarious!)

Have you ever seen THE SOUND OF MUSIC?

One thing always bothered me about that movie. No, not the lederhosen. It was when the boy in the family said this:
Dude, this is easy enough to test! But take it from me, it's not that great. (Sort of like bad kale.)
I wonder what grass tastes like